Mixed Feelings...

In four days I am scheduled to be at the hospital to meet our new addition. While part of me seriously can not wait to get this kid out of me I have some mixed feelings. let's review...

reasons I am ready;

I want to see my baby!
I want to know if he/she is a he or she.
I want to get the house back in order, there is stuff piled everywhere ready for organization pending the arrival, and what room baby will be in.
I want to be able to go up the stairs without a 20 minute rest afterwards, or be able to put on one shoe and not need to rest a few minutes before I put on the other one.
It will be nice to be able to bend over again.
I want to sleep on my STOMACH
I want to not feel like something might fall out of me.
I want to wear REAL PANTS with a BELT
I want to put on a shirt and it be long enough to cover what is supposed to be covered.
I am so clumsy, it is ridiculous.
I want my energy back.
I want to be able to get up out of a chair without a crane.


Reason I'm NOT ready:

It gonna HURT! and I'm worried!
What if this is the one kid who doesn't want to come out! and I am in labor FOREVER?!?!
I'm really not sure daddy can handle the other 3 while I'm in the hospital for 2 days. Have I mentioned he has forgotten a child on TWO different occasions! (we have introduced the "head count" method, look and count, if you don't see 3 your missing one)
Matt says this is our last baby (we'll see).
the feeling of this little person growing inside me, kicking and wiggling around.
the manager at price chopper who calls the stocker boy to come help me carry my groceries to the car even at midnight.
When your pregnant there is a special look you get, and I will miss that look from people.
I really fear Halsey will freak out!
I worry about the hospital expense it will bring. cause it will.
Jonathan still has another week of school after I get home! yeah...he might miss a couple days.
Matt is taking the week off and that means he doesn't get paid.

Once I look it all over again, really nothing stands out as the biggest thing that is weighing on my mind, I mean, I really am worried about the pain since the drugs don't work on me and this time I decided to not even try, but really that is the one thing that really scares me. The rest just adds to the weight of it all.

I know I have done this a few times already but "what if..." is still in my head and I am having trouble letting go, so I was hoping if I share it with the few friends and Internet world I might feel better and so far. I think it did. Thanks for listening Internet.